Save Your Marriage by Managing Differences

One major hurdle that can trip up many couples inwhose wife is a homemaker. She is not terribly
their marriage relationship is differences betweeninterested in soccer but he follows the soccer news
spouses. Differences refer to how different you andreligiously. This is what she does. Whenever there is a
your spouse are in terms of personality,live telecast of a soccer match on TV, she would
temperament, preferences, likes and dislikes, views,prepare food and refreshments for her husband's
opinions etc. If this major challenge is not addressedsoccer friends to come over. Then more often than
correctly, it may cause offence, arguments andnot, she herself would watch the match along with
fights between marriage partners. You have heard ofher husband. After a few such occasions, she too
the old adage that 'opposites attract'. Well, that's onlystarted to catch the excitement of the matches.
half true.What could have potentially separated this husband
The complete truth is that over time, whatever traitand wife eventually became a common activity in
that initially attracted a couple to one another maywhich both have a part.
eventually become something that annoys each of3. Compromise without insisting that you understand
them. In other words, when you were courting, youeach other.
saw the differences in your partner as somethingYou may never fully understand why your partner is
interesting, intriguing or attractive. Also, the fact thatthe way he or she is. You just need to accept it.
you were more patient and forgiving in those daysOne husband I know cannot understand why his wife
caused you to overlook whatever faults those traitsis so helpful to other people. She would volunteer her
may contain. The question is how do you handlehelp without being asked whereas he would only
these different traits between you and your partnerconsider helping if someone asks him to help. After I
that now drives you up the wall?spoke to him, he has begun to learn to be more
Let me offer some tips:pro-active in looking for ways to help others. So how
1. Look at these annoying differences ascan you compromise with your partner?
opportunities to practice patience and see thingsCompromise with your partner can come in many
from another point of view and in so doing, learnways. It may be doing things one partner's way at
something new.certain times and the other partner's way at other
Suppose your partner likes gardening but you prefertimes. It may be doing something neutral that is
shopping. You wish he would go shopping with youneither partner's preference. Whatever form it takes,
and buy you things but his idea of excitement isdo it to be fair to both of you. This also becomes a
watching flowers bloom and grass grow. Be patientgood example to your children in how to create
with him even though you may have to shop alonewin-win situations when individuals disagree.
most of the time (most wives do). Perhaps youConclusion
could buy him a gardening book or magazine on oneNo two human beings are completely alike in every
of your shopping trips. Read it yourself and learnway, not even identical twins. Differences between
something in the process. This would make goodyou and your partner need not drive a wedge into
topics of conversation between the two of you. Thisyour relationship. If you are broad-minded and willing
way, you use your differences to your advantage.to make compromises, these differences can
2. Look at your partner's idiosyncrasies as traits thatstrengthen your marriage instead of break it up. Be
make him or her unique and adjust yourself to suitmature in your attitude towards differences you
him or her as far as possible.have with your partner. This will ensure a sound and
I know a husband who is a keen soccer playerhappy marriage for you.