| When children are raised naturally, in | | | | process of child rearing. Nothing could be |
| keeping with their own true hearts, it is | | | | worse for both the parents and children. |
| common for them to be healthy, expressive and | | | | Comparing your child's progress, scores or |
| creative. This article shows how to apply the | | | | abilities with those of other children tell |
| principles of Zen to raising your child, and | | | | you absolutely nothing about who he/she is, |
| in the process growing happy yourself. | | | | or how they will do in their lives. There are |
| Specific steps are included. Article is by | | | | many ways and timetables for developing, and |
| well known psychologist, author and Zen | | | | different gifts and abilities that different |
| practitioner. When | | | | children have. |
| children are raised naturally, in keeping | | | | |
| with their own true hearts, there is nothing | | | | Remember that being different doesn't mean |
| that we need to teach them about Zen. In | | | | being better or worse. Many kinds of trees |
| fact, the children then become our teachers, | | | | and flowers are needed in a garden. An apple |
| reminding us of what is important and | | | | tree will produce the best possible apples, |
| expressing themselves naturally. | | | | don't force it to give you pears. Not only |
| | | | will that distort it's growth, but it will |
| To grow a Zen child, means to raise a | | | | make the apple tree very sad. A garden with |
| healthy, expressive, creative child--a child | | | | only one kind of flower would become |
| easily in touch with who they truly are. This | | | | uninteresting. Just as we need roses, tulips, |
| child is naturally curious about life, | | | | lilies, etc. for the garden to be complete, |
| experiencing each day as an adventure, going | | | | we need all kinds of different children to |
| to sleep happy at night. This is a child to | | | | make a whole world. 3) Allow Your Child To |
| whom sharing comes naturally, who can laugh | | | | Express Who She Is There are many, many |
| when things are funny and cry when they're | | | | constrictions placed upon what children are |
| sad, who is not terrified of the consequences | | | | allowed to express. There is a demand for |
| of their behavior or focused unnecessarily | | | | politeness, control and censure coupled with |
| upon reactions of adults. This child then | | | | the intrinsic notion that certain thoughts |
| becomes strong and stable, able to weather | | | | and feelings are bad and cannot or should not |
| all kinds of conflicting demands and | | | | be expressed. The child develops the sense |
| pressures. Actually, all of Zen practice | | | | that certain parts of them are bad and |
| comes simply to teach us how to become a | | | | unacceptable. This causes these parts to go |
| child once again. Not how to become childish, | | | | underground, and become the source of |
| but child-like, how to tap the natural | | | | symptoms of all kinds. |
| knowingness and spontaneity we were all born | | | | |
| with, to find delight in our days and share | | | | Help the child find a way to communicate and |
| it with others. | | | | express whatever he/she is going through. It |
| | | | can be done through words, song, art, plays, |
| In order to grow a Zen child certain basic | | | | dancing together, planting flowers. Make sure |
| steps need to be honored and taken. These | | | | you find a way to let them know you truly |
| steps are not difficult though they may be | | | | hear what it is they need to say. The child's |
| different from the ways in which we have | | | | self worth will then grow. |
| usually been trained to think about | | | | |
| child-rearing. | | | | 4) Look For And See The Best In All The Child |
| | | | Does Rather than find fault, criticize, |
| Some Steps To Growing A Zen Child 1) Honor | | | | punish and negate the child in the thousands |
| The Child's Natural Wisdom And Gifts Most of | | | | of ways we usually do, specifically look for |
| us feel that we have to fill our children | | | | and see the best in the child and all that |
| with information, knowledge, skills, | | | | they do. Acknowledge it to them as well. |
| direction. From the moment they are born we | | | | Everyday let the child know something you are |
| must "mold" them in the right direction, so | | | | truly proud of them for and pleased with |
| that they will grow to fulfill our values and | | | | about them. |
| images of a successful adult. We do not stop | | | | |
| a moment and question how these images have | | | | However, sadly, in many situations the |
| impacted upon us, how fulfilled and whole our | | | | opposite occurs, praise and acknowledgement |
| lives are. We teach our children much more by | | | | is given rarely, in a context of criticism |
| who we are than by what we preach. | | | | and complaint. Turn this around. Let the |
| | | | child realize that though they may have made |
| All children have their own innate wisdom, | | | | an error, the totality of who they are is |
| rhythms, sense of exploration, and ability to | | | | wonderful. |
| express what is most dear to them. Our job as | | | | |
| caretakers is to create a loving, safe | | | | You can also ask them what they are pleased |
| environment in which both we and they can | | | | with and proud of about you. If there is |
| discover who they are. Raising children, | | | | something troubling them in the relationship, |
| (like Zen practice) is a process of | | | | this is a time it will come to the fore. |
| discovery. We must take our lead from the | | | | There is nothing more crucial than keeping |
| children, not impose ourselves upon them. | | | | open lines of full communication between |
| | | | parents and child. |
| When children feel so deeply respected, all | | | | |
| that is best and natural emerges easily. | | | | 5) Grow Yourself! Of course as parents grow a |
| Their full intelligence and abilities become | | | | Zen child, they are simultaneously growing |
| available to them. This kind of child will | | | | themselves. The way we treat another, |
| not become aggressive, distracted and filled | | | | reflects back upon us. The beauty and |
| with all kinds of fears. When a being's basic | | | | goodness we find in another, we begin to see |
| nature is not interfered with, it becomes | | | | wherever we go. As we loosen the bonds and |
| empowered to function at its best. | | | | chains we tie our children in, we are always |
| | | | freeing ourselves as well. Power struggles |
| 2) Don't Compare Your Child With Others | | | | disappear in these kinds of relationships, |
| Conformity and competition have become a | | | | and make lots of room for love to grow. |
| craze (and plague) in our nation and in the | | | | |